Shinigami Message Board
by QBleach1
Summary: Will the Seated Officers abuse the message board? Yes, definitely. Poor Chojiro, having to deal with all this trouble... T for language n stuff
1. Day 1: The Beginning

**Ello again! Heres just a little idea I had a while back, hope you enjoy it!**

**Bleach is (C) to Tite Kubo x]**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**001 - Attention all Shinigami**

This message board is for public use, it is not a place to post fliers, advertisements or any message that is irrelevant to the daily life of the Shinigami. This is not a place for jokes. There will in no way be any misuse of this message board. There will** no **role playing. There will be **no** ripping down of other people's messages. There will be** no **harassing anyone, there will be **no** pranks or false information. There will be** no **sexual comments. There will be **no** party invitations. We will not condone the use of this board to chat in text speak. This is a place for messages only. You will sign your name at the bottom of each post. Anonymous posts are not acceptable. Posts where you pose as someone else are unacceptable. If any rules are broken the perpetrator will be punished. It is expected of the Seated Shinigami to be responsible when using this board and to only use it when necessary. Captains are expected to monitor the boards responsibly.

We wish you all a good day. Please check here daily for updates on rules and other memos.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe, First Squad Lieutenant**

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**002 - FIRST MESSAGE!**

I GOT THE FIRST MESSAGE! Eat it, Renji! You owe me some sake! Why don't you take me out tonight? We could go to that fabulous place out over by the Kuchiki estate... You know the one that is supposed to be so expensive that even the Kuchiki's only go there once a year or so. I hope you have enough money... If not, you can always be Byakuya's sex slave or something ;)

Oh, and theres gonna be a booze party at my house tomorrow! Be there or be screwed!

Okay, and just to let you all know, every week I will be posting all the latest dirt on the captains and lieutenants, so read it! My sources will remain unnamed but if you have any juicy gossip feel free to tell me!*

**~Rangiku Matsumoto ~ CHU!**

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**003 - ...**

Rangiku Matsumoto will be preforming a strip tease in the 10th Squad Captain's office tonight at 5. Be there and don't forget tissues.

**{Anonymous}**

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**004 - Stupid**

Everyone knows its you, Renji. Who else would say that? Also, that's how you sign your name all the time, and your handwriting isn't exactly neat. Rangiku will NOT be preforming a strip tease! Just to let everyone know... And Renji, you owe me money!

Oh, and my horoscope said I should start offering people advice so if you have anything you need help with anything feel free to just let me know and I will do my best to answer it honestly*

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

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**005 - Wanted Criminal**

There is currently a wanted criminal roaming around Seireitei, please be on guard. This criminal has been known to attack and embarass woman in public, specifically targeting drunk woman. It is confirmed that he is male but otherwise his appearence is unknown. If you have any information on this man please contact the Omnikitsudo immediately.

**Soi Fon**

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**006 - Who else wants a transfer?**

Are there other lieutenants who want a transfer?

**Omaeda**

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**007 - HELL YA**

YES I WANT A TRANSFER! Can you believe I got in trouble today for trying to stick a pen up my captain's ass? I mean, I was just trying to get that hugeass stick out!

**{Abarai Renji}**

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**008 - Ninja Classes**

I will be giving Ninja lessons to whomever would like to take them. The class is free to whoever would like to join. Again, anyone wanting to join should do so.

**There are a only few rules I would like to place:**

Beautiful

Female

Single

**That is all, here are the signups:**

_Nemu Kurotsuchi _

_ _Isane Kotetsu _

_Momo Hinamori_

_There are suckers who actually signed up for this? {R}

***~Shunsui Kyouraku~***

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**009 - Denial!**

Kenny didnt snap the B-R-A of a woman with his sord yestrdae, I promice, and if he did it wasnt intenshunal. Nuthing was his fawlt. And that man didnt dy beecuase of him. Rite?

**Yachiru-chan**

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**010 - Shinigami Men's Association**

The Shinigami Men's association is **A FRAUD**! They suck out our funds and use it to sit around in thousand dollar sun glasses and no shirt! DONT GO NEAR THEM! DONT BUY THINGS FROM THEM! And for God's sake, stop staring at their abs, they don't compare to my brothers!

**Chappy**

*AKA RUKIA*

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**So, what did you all think? I know it's not very funny so far, but it's the best I can do as kind of an introduction... meh, I'm not very funny I know OTL... Oh well, I think I'm gonna stick with this one for a while, it is very fun to write (Teehee ^^) There will be more plot and stuff later on, and there will be posting wars and all that great stuff :D**

*** - When it has this it means that you can give Rangiku some dirty secrets, or present a problem to hisagi (more of these will be suggested later) in a review... basically a suggestion... I'll get a friend to help me out with that if no one reviews, but its more fun that way!**

**Also, if you have any suggestions on message posts, I would be happy to use them! (I will, of course, give you credit, unless you don't want it)**


	2. Day 2: Criminals

_Shinigami Message Board_

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**011 - Attention All Shinigami**

This is not a place to publically flame people. As such, Kuchiki Rukia's message has been destroyed and she will be punished accordingly.

That is all.

-Chojiro Sasakibe, First Squad Lieutenant

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**012 - Please Stop**

Whoever has been encouraging Captain Kyouraku to walk around without a shirt on will you **please stop.**

**Nanao**

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**013 - AMAZING DEAL**

The Shinigami woman's association is having an amazing deal on the Forbidden Love Taichou! Videos Edition 4! Come before they are gone! Come get your fill on those steamy yaoi porno vids, girls!

**~Momo**

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**014 - Note to all Shinigami**

Please do not mention the Rangiku Matsumoto incident ever again. We mean it. If we ever find out that a word of it was breathed to anyone we will burn Seireitei to the ground!

**The Observor.**

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**015 - Daily Horoscope**

_Instead of unconsciously scattering your physical energy on passing pleasures, watch where your interactions with others take you. Make intelligent decisions based only on how you want your day to unfold. (Leo)_

So today I am giving advice to Q, who gave me the problem of: What do I do when there a bunch of guys interested in me? And the answer is **Sex. **Fuck em all, and then you'll be satisfied**.** But if that doesn't work I recommend ignoring them for the rest of eternity.

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

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**016 - Criminals**

Apprehend Captain Zaraki Kenpachi on sight and bring him to the Omnitsukido immediately for questioning. It can't be that hard, surely one of you oafs can take him down?

**Soi Fon**

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**017 - Shinigami Men's Association**

It is very annoying to see all of the members of the Shinigami Men's association walking around without shirts on. Please put your uniforms back on and remove the sunglasses immediately. Contrary to your opinion, it does NOT make you look cool. Also, we know you are protesting the making of the yaoi videos, but aren't you just making it worse?

#Unohana#

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**018 - ENOUGH**

**STOP GETTING ME DOG COLLARS! Its not even funny! And the leashes, too! And the treats! I'm not even a dog, you fools!**

**KOMAMURA**

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**019 - Has anyone seen my lieutenant?**

Has anyone seen Matsumoto? That lazy lieutenant of mine hasn't bothered to show up for the last two days!

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**020 - Toushiro Hitsugaya!**

It is forbidden to speak of what happened to Matsumoto Rangiku on the message board! For this, your message will be torn down and you will be placed on an immediate punishment sentence and-

Wait, where's my earlier message? HEY, WHERE DID IT GO? Do you not respect my authority?

**The Observor**

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**Well, hmmmm, here we are again, just a day later... Haha, well, this is my fluff, and its probably not very interesting, but you know... :D Anyways, any feedback, anyone? :3**


	3. Day 3: Bananas

**Well, hello again everybody! Well, this time I'm not gonna preach for you all, so just R&R!**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**021 - Attention**

The Shinigami who has been signing Anonymously as 'The Observor' -

We are on to you. We know who you are. Consider this your first and last warning. If you continue to post messages you will be punished.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

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**022 – F*ck right!**

Yeah, you know who I am… I'm yo momma!

**{The Observor}**

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**023 - Ha.**

I find it funny that Abarai Renji is attempting to act as me. As Shuuhei said, Renji, you always sign your name the same way. So no, I am not your mom. I am your dad.

Just kidding.

I'm Zaraki Kenpachi's dad.

Also, will somebody stop tearing my messages down? They are quite important.

**The Observor.**

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**024 - Zaraki Kenpachi**

You are now a wanted criminal. Please stop destroying the barracks. Please stop sending random people into the 4th Squad's sick bay. Also, please stop leaving random bananas on the ground and blaming it on Yachiru. Yes, we know that was you. How stupid do you think we are?

**Soi Fon**

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**025 - Daily Horoscope**

Today my horoscope told me I needed to continue to help others, but that I shouldn't do it alone. So I brought in Yachiru to help me out. The question is: Someone is really pissing me off! What do I do?

Yachiru says: Punch them and knock them out and then draw on their faces

... My answer is: Steal their woman. And if they are a woman: Steal their man. And if they don't have a man/woman... Well... Do what Yachiru says.

**Hi$agi $huuhei and Yachiru**

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**026 - Idiots**

You guys are all idiots! And Hisagi, what kind of way to solve a problem is that!

**Isane**

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**027 - Matsumoto?**

Has anyone seen Matsumoto? I keep finding empty sake bottles and stray bras on my desk but I haven't found her yet...

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**028 - Apples**

Attention all Shinigami: This is a notice from your superior officer (Izuru Kira). DO NOT EAT APPLES. They are all poisoned and will make you fall asleep forever. And ever. Shinigami will steal the apple out of your guts and you'll go into cardiac arrest.

Kira [I am Justice]

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**029 - Special Offer**

Get your limited addition photo with any member of the Shinigami Men's association in any pose that you like for only 1250 JPY! Please note that the standard SMA's uniform will be worn during this time.

**Iba**

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**030 - Yoga Classes**

Yoga classes will be hosted tomorrow afternoon by Genryuusai Shigekuni Yamamoto, available for all liuetenants and captains. Please attend.

**Soutaichou**

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**Well, another day, another set of postings... Don't forget to review and ask the characters questions and/or help cook up some mayhem *Evil grin***


	4. Day 4: OMG

**Hello again, guys! Well, this ones pretty early, but here's the next Shinigami Message Board! Please, R&R :D**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**031 - Attention all Shinigami**

It has come to our attention that there are many

Non-shinigami are being harassed by Seated Officers.

Kuchiki Rukia, please stop shoving p0rn in people's faces.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri, do not ever mention what you did to that poor woman in public again. There have been numerous restraining orders placed against you. And by numerous we mean over a hundred.

Ukitake Jushiro, we understand you love monkeys. We really do. But you don't need to act like one. And that particular scene was very disturbing, and will not happen again, am I clear?

Omaeda. No we are not going to even attempt spelling your name. You are not a member of the SMA. Please stop wearing their uniform. There have been many complaints. And no one insulted your momma, Omeada.

Please do not follow their example.

**-Chojiro**

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**(R)032 - What the hell?**

You guys are freaking insane!

Ichigo

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**(R)033 - ?**

**Since when did you get here?**

**Chappy**

*Aka Rukia*

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**(R)034 - F*cker**

Since his dad's condom failed!

**{Anonymous}**

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**(R)035 - Bankai!**

You are aware I have bankai, right? I already kicked your ass once...

And why did I see Matsumoto hanging off the flagpole outside the Squad 10 barracks?

Ichigo

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**036 - What are you talking about, Ryoka?**

She's been there the whole time! WHY?

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**037 - Because**

Because I said so. So shut up. Hitsugaya, please stop forgetting to sign your name. Thats a 0 on your paper now. Your father would be ashamed.

**The Observor.**

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**038 - HOROSCOPE DISASTER!**

Holy crap they changed the horoscope! I AM A LEO! I've always been a Leo! This is freaking stupid! OHMYGOD AND BECAUSE OF THIS IVE BEEN FALLING ON MY FACE ALL DAY! Who put those freaking bananas everywhere! It was you, wasn't it, Obervor! *GASP*

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

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**039 - Really?**

Shuu. Stop being an idiot. You are STILL a LEO!

~Momo

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**040 - Abarai**

You fool. Please stop making sexually exciting remarks.

Kuchiki Byakuya

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**Well, I have a few credits to give out for this one. For Hisagi freaking out about the Horoscope thing, the credit for that goes to SpaceisforStars. The first few after Chojiro's message (With the R next to the number of the posting) are credited to Ryuzaki Inzinsky. Thank you so much for giving ideas, all of you. For those of you who would like to suggest things, please review. Whether it be a horoscope, or a juicy piece of gossip, or just some weird suggestion =]**


	5. Day 5: Conceited?

**Hey, everyone... Well, we're back... it is soooo late right now... Hehe like 4 in the morning... Soooo I apologize if this is suckish, I might come back and redo it later... Don't forget to review!**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

**041 - Attention All Shinigami**

Once again, there are many rulebreakers on this board, and their messages have been removed immediately.

Please stop mentioning the Locker Room Incident. None of us want to remember that. (That means you, Hisagi)

Yamamoto-Soutaichou - Please stop walking around the Seireitei in yoga pants. I MEAN IT.

Zaraki, you have appeared on this board numerous times as a wanted criminal. I think that's a sign.

Matsumoto, please stop flashing people from the 10th Squad's Flagpole.

**-Chojiro**

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**042 - ?**

How can you be so sure I'm still a Leo? I mean, now that they changed the signs, there could be another constellation! I could be a Pisces or something! That would be HORRIBLE. I like being compatible with Libras. And Matsumoto don't worry about what Chojiro says, he's a hardass. Just do your thing!

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

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**043 - Yeah, Right**

You only like being a Leo because it means you're compatible with Matsumoto.

**{Abarai Renji}**

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**044 - ...**

While you guys are arguing about who gets Matsumoto, I have noticed that there are quite a few black notebooks lying around.

**The Observor.**

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**045 - SMA**

Please stop harassing me and selling novels about my personal life. I am not a sex-crazed barbarian with a love for pink flowers, nor am I a sex god. I am not to be put on display for the public and do not appreciate all the attempts to display my virtue to everyone.

**Kuchiki Byakuya**

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**046 - WTF**

What the hell are you talking about? And no one gives a damn about your virtue. I'm sure that those weirdo fangirls and the 12th squad sadists already took that from you.

Kurosaki

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**047 - ...**

It's not porn its yaoi! (And it's 50% off, everyone!)

And Ichigo... Why the heck are you in Seireitei AGAIN?

**Chappy**

*Aka Rukia*

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**048 - **

I'm much sexier than him.

**Gin-Chan**

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**049 - Ukitake!**

STOP sending dump trucks full of candy to my office! WHY IS THERE EVEN DUMPTRUCKS IN THE SEIREITEI? I AM NOT A KID!

*Ice

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**050 - Final Warning**

I have asked you kindly and now I will use force. Zaraki Kenpachi.

Please stop harassing woman

Please stop badly wounding officers and sending them to the 4th Squad.

Please stop running away from your punishment

Please stop leaving bananas on the ground

Please stop blaming everything on Yachiru.

That is your final warning.

**Soi Fon, Omnitsukido**

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**Okay, well now you've read, time to review! :D (Please, feel free to ask Hisagi for advice, or submit anything...)... Well... How am I doing? -shot- I know its bad lol but my creative juices are braindead right now. Especially since I got like 40 Byakuya Fluff chapters written *Evil laugh* -shot-**


	6. Day 6: Pervs and Returns

**Well, hello again everybody! Well, this time I'm not gonna preach for you all, so just R&R!**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**021 - Attention**

The Shinigami who has been signing Anonymously as 'The Observor' -

We are on to you. We know who you are. Consider this your first and last warning. If you continue to post messages you will be punished.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

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**022 – F*ck right!**

Yeah, you know who I am… I'm yo momma!

**{The Observor}**

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**023 - Ha.**

I find it funny that Abarai Renji is attempting to act as me. As Shuuhei said, Renji, you always sign your name the same way. So no, I am not your mom. I am your dad.

Just kidding.

I'm Zaraki Kenpachi's dad.

Also, will somebody stop tearing my messages down? They are quite important.

**The Observor.**

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**024 - Zaraki Kenpachi**

You are now a wanted criminal. Please stop destroying the barracks. Please stop sending random people into the 4th Squad's sick bay. Also, please stop leaving random bananas on the ground and blaming it on Yachiru. Yes, we know that was you. How stupid do you think we are?

**Soi Fon**

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**025 - Daily Horoscope**

Today my horoscope told me I needed to continue to help others, but that I shouldn't do it alone. So I brought in Yachiru to help me out. The question is: Someone is really pissing me off! What do I do?

Yachiru says: Punch them and knock them out and then draw on their faces

... My answer is: Steal their woman. And if they are a woman: Steal their man. And if they don't have a man/woman... Well... Do what Yachiru says.

**Hi$agi $huuhei and Yachiru**

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**026 - Idiots**

You guys are all idiots! And Hisagi, what kind of way to solve a problem is that!

**Isane**

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**027 - Matsumoto?**

Has anyone seen Matsumoto? I keep finding empty sake bottles and stray bras on my desk but I haven't found her yet...

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**028 - Apples**

Attention all Shinigami: This is a notice from your superior officer (Izuru Kira). DO NOT EAT APPLES. They are all poisoned and will make you fall asleep forever. And ever. Shinigami will steal the apple out of your guts and you'll go into cardiac arrest.

Kira [I am Justice]

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**029 - Special Offer**

Get your limited addition photo with any member of the Shinigami Men's association in any pose that you like for only 1250 JPY! Please note that the standard SMA's uniform will be worn during this time.

**Iba**

* * *

**030 - Yoga Classes**

Yoga classes will be hosted tomorrow afternoon by Genryuusai Shigekuni Yamamoto, available for all liuetenants and captains. Please attend.

**Soutaichou**

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**Well, another day, another set of postings... Don't forget to review and ask the characters questions and/or help cook up some mayhem *Evil grin***


	7. Day 7: Death Sentence

**Well, hello mah peepz... Heres another chapter :D I somehow managed to get it here lolz... I didn't think I would... Anyways, theres a pretty high chance that I won't be able to post a while... Soooo this might be the last one for who knows how long... But I will try my best to be on TT_TT**

**Sooo R&R :D**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**061 - Daily Notice**

Must I really remind you guys of the rules so many times? Here we are on day seven, and I've torn down 43 messages already. You guys are despicable.

There will be no beer-bubble fights in the main courtyard. That also means you can't use soda bubbles. Or soap bubbles. Or bubbles of any kind. There are no fights in the main courtyard!

Please stop tearing my messages down.

There are no such things as Black notebooks that kill people when you write a name in them. Kira, we mean it. Stop pretending to know everything. You are not a killer.

Yo Momma jokes are not allowed. We all know Omaeda's momma is fat, there is no need to tell him.

**-Chojiro**

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**(R)062 - OW**

**Unohana, that was low! And from behind?**

**Ikkaku**

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**063 -  
**

**That is because you are ugly and didn't listen to Captain Unohana.**

**Beautiful~ Yumi**

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**(R)064 - PWN**

LOL, you got PWNED, Ikkaku!

Kurosaki

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**(R)065 - Observor**

**Kyouraku, we know it's you. Only you would have the absurdity to even attempt something like this. So give it up.**

**Nanao**

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**066 - Criminals**

Matsumoto Rangiku was found half-dead in a remote alleyway last night. She was severely wounded and had no clothes on. The culprit is thought to be Zaraki Kenpachi, the man who is responsible for the recent Banana epidemic. If you have seen this man or his accomplice, Lieutenant Kusajishi, please report them immediately or risk Unohana's wrath.

Also, if anyone has seen my Yoruichi limited addition plushie, return it or die.

**Soi Fon**

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**067 - Kenpachi**

I've had enough of you and your squad members. If you don't turn yourself in I will be forced to do that thing. You know what I'm talking about.

**Retsu Unohana**

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**068 - The Observor?**

I'm not the observor... I'm too sexy. Also... Hasn't the Observor been abnormally quiet this time?

Kyouraku

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**069 - Please**

Please, Ukitake-taichou! Stop flashing people in public! I don't know what the SWA did to you, but please! Go back to your secretly sexy self!

Kiyone

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**070 - Aha!**

I tricked you into thinking I wouldn't post! And Nanao, the Observor is YOU. Or is it? O_o

The world may never know…

**The Observor.**

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**Well, thanks to Ryuzaki Inzinsky, again, for reviewing and adding suggestions. There was no horoscope for some mysterious reason today, and Matsumoto disappeared... again OTL. Soooo for those who want a message that you made to appear here, please review and let me know! Ohh, and you can ask Hisagi advice, help Chojiro make up rules, etc. Sooo yeah :D Thanks to all my faithful readers who have brought me 500 views!(Achieved sometime today :D)**

I can haz Review?


	8. Day 8: Bitches

**A/N is at the end this time (MUAHAHAHAHA, to quote a friend of mine :D) ... Sooo R&R**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

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**071 - Daily Notice**

Today is no exception to the misbehaving, I see. I woke up to the unpleasant sight of several lieutenants stripping outside the residential area.

There will be no stripping - ever. We did NOT want to see that, Omaeda! You either, Renji!

The Harry Potter club will be disbanded at once. I don't know what you captains were thinking, but Head Captain Yamamoto is NOT Albus Dumbledore's father. There is no relation. There is no Harry Potter. I cannot stress enough how unrealistic it is. And stop wearing those ridiculous "Robes". They are _clearly_ dresses.

The Observor - Your jokes are meaningless and annoying, and no one cares. Please turn yourself in now, to avoid further punishment later.

Hinamori we appreciate that you look up to your former captain but there is no need to make such sounds in the office. Especially in front of a shrine to your captain. And with a Gigai? How dirty. You have spoiled the minds of the new recruits in your squad rotten.

Lieutenant Kira, we understand that you have recently developed a Black Notebook complex. Please stop carrying around your so-called "Death Note" with such a scary look on your face.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

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**072 - NEWS!**

Although I am in the hospital, I still had the time to tell you some awesome news!

Captain Soi Fon is seeing a certain blue-haired man!

(And we'll leave it at that!)

**~Matsumoto Rangiku ~CHU**

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**073 - WTF**

SOI FON YOU TRAITOR! YOUR DATING GRIMMJOW!

**Kurosaki Ichigo**

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**074 - Traitor**

... I'll kill you!

**Zaraki Kenpachi**

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**075 - How dare you?**

You have no grounds to make such an accusation! How dare you! My devotion and love goes only to Lady Yoruichi, and no one else! I would rather die than have clandestine meetings with someone OTHER than Lady Yoruichi! For this, I will apprehend Zaraki Kenpachi just so he can kick your insolent ass!

**Soi Fon, Omnitsukido**

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**076 - Well...**

Everyone knows Soi Fon only calls Kenpachi a criminal because she wants an excuse to "apprehend" him.

**{Abarai Renji}**

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**077 - Duh**

That's because Soi Fon is Kenpachi's bitch. And Yoruichi's. But I guess now she's Grimmjow's, too. Although Grimmjow is Aizen's bitch. And so is Hinamori. You know, thinking about it, Aizen has a lot of bitches. He's even got a bitch curl. Everyone has a bitch, and everyone is someone's bitch. Even Yamamoto. He's got Chojiro, Ukitake, Unohana, AND Kyouraku. Oh, and you know Ukitake has a lot of bitches too. Rukia, Toshiro, Kyouraku, Sentari, Kiyone, he's loaded. But Rukia is almost everyone's bitch...(Byakuya, Ukitake, Renji, Ichigo, and I'm sure there's more... DAMN) What are nobles coming to?

And wow, Chojiro. That was low. You hit me where it hurt. Right through the heart. I'm going to go into my corner and go into severe cardiac arrest and possibly die.

**The Observor.**

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**078 - **

I'm no one's bitch, bitch.

**Ikkaku**

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**079 - Yeah right**

You no one's bitch. Except Yumichika's.

**{Anonymous}**

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**080 - Horoscope**

Renji, did you honestly think we wouldn't know it was you just because you changed your name? It's like thinking no one would recognize you if you dyed your hair pink! Which was just wrong. Were you drunk that time or something? Or were you just suffering from short-term idiocy?

Back to the horoscope. "What do you do if you really wanted to get in your male taichou's pants? -Curious Female" ... Well, if your a female, then the best way is to let him get into your pants first.

BUT WHAT THE HELL! Why are you asking a guy that? I am NOT gay! And that night...! Yumichika and I both agreed that we were completely drunk at the time!

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

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**And on that note, we end today's posting... Lol well I felt like I was kinda going on and on with the whole Observor bitch thingy... But oh well... I'll elaborate on that later... *evil smile* Well, homies, thanks so much for reviewing! Got some credits to dish out here...**

SuperYuuki, thank you for offering your ideas with Ran's gossip thingy and Hisagi's Horoscope(Just realized the BOTH start with an H OTL) ... OH, and Chojiro's rule for Hinamori

Icy Fae Tears, thank you for the suggestion about that offhanded comment to Soi Fon about her only catching Kenpachi because she wanted to...

And to all my other readers and reviewers, who suggested ideas or maybe liked the story but didn't feel like reviewing... And for those whose suggestions I didn't use because there wasn't enough space... Thank you for all the faves and subscriptions yada yada... Please, feel free to review and let me know what you think!

**I salute Aizen's bitch curl!**


	9. Day 9: The Observor Outbreak

**Well, here it is! Hope you enjoy it... R&R? :D**

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_Shinigami Message Board_

* * *

**081 - Attention All Shinigami**

The Man/Woman known as the Observor is to be brought in without question. If you see anyone that signs the board as the Observor please report them immediately.

Also, whoever is responsible for knocking the board down please turn yourself in immediately.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

* * *

**082 - Daily Horoscope**

I don't appreciate everyone's remarks that I am homosexual. And I am not Tousen's bitch, either. Nor am I Kira's. Or Matsumoto's. I am no one's bitch.

And there is no horoscope for today. You don't deserve one.

**The Ob$ervor**

* * *

**083 - Gossip~~**

Heyy everyone! Got some good news for you! Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia were seen... -Ahem-, take a guess, in Byakuya's office when he was cleaning out the panties yesterday!

Can I say THREESOME!

**~The Observor ~CHU**

* * *

**084 - Kenpachi!**

Get your men in here for a checkup immediately! Don't make me do to them what I did to Ikkaku!

**#The Observor#**

* * *

**085 - Awww**

Everyone is imitating me, how nice! You are all so cute. But you still sign is the same way as you always do. And Unohana, quite the threats... And I love you to, Chojiro. Thanks for trying to arrest me.

And for the record, if you want a serious relationship with me, you're gonna have to get rid of the Mexican mustache.

**The Observor.**

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**086 -**

Will someone please tell me why my office is pink?

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**087 - Shorty**

Hey, shorty, you forgot to sign your name! AGAIN. What did the Observor tell you about getting Zeros on your paper if you did that? Anyways, can you please take care of all that candy sitting around your barracks? It's spilling into our division grounds and its so ugly to look at. I think _someone_ has a man-crush on you ;)

**Beautiful~ The Observor.**

* * *

**088 - NO!**

I liek the candy! You can giv it to me or Kenny! Im sure that evin thogh Kenny is being thretened he wouldnt mind somthing sweet!

**Observor-chan**

* * *

**089 - STOP**

STOP TRYING TO TOUCH MY DEATH NOTE!

Er, I mean black note book... Heh...

**The Observor [I am Justice]**

* * *

**090 - Please**

This is outrageous! How dare you defy me so openly! I expected better of you! Do you know how many people I have had to deal with today! Every single one of the people posting on the board signed as the Observor, and a bunch of idiotic unseated officers brought in all of you fools! How dare you? You will all be punished! It seems the only sensible ones around here are me and the Central 46!

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

* * *

**Special Notice**

The Central 46 is having a bakery sale to raise money for the Central 46 personal funds, all lieutenants and captains are required to attend and spend money.

Thank you.

-46 The Observor 46-

* * *

**... So much for that. Poor Chojiro. Oh well. **

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing, I did not include any suggestions since I just felt like messing around with Chojiro this chapter... In the next one, I will be sure to include them :D (So basically I'm LAZY and didn't want to open the internet... DX)**

**Well, anyone have any suggestions? Rules for Chojiro? (Although they will be pushed back a bit because there will be a series of !#%!#$% happening to Chojiro that will piss him off soooo much! *Evil Laugh*) Need advice for Hisagi? Got some dirt for Rangiku? Or just some suggestions... It's all welcome here! Review! :D**


	10. Day 10: Pure Idiocy

**Well, back again. I am so sorry for the delay! I was gone for so long, and it's because of some personal reasons, which made me all depressing and I couldn't write anything funny because it ended up being weird and saddening and not funny and/or random. Sooo yeah, I'm back (hopefully for a while!). And here is your newest chapter of Shinigami Message Board!**

**By the way, you should expect something really great and surprising for the hundredth post. I mean, that's always super special. So enjoy your little surpise~!**

* * *

_Shinigami Message Board_

* * *

**091 - Daily Notice**

All this insolence will stop immediately! How dare you make fun of Seireitei's rules and regulations! ALL of you, even the Central 46, should be punished! But because I lack the authority to do that, all of the lieutenants will be punished instead!

STOP knocking over the message board! As you can see, we had to employ the use of this ghastly silver duck tape. Whoever commited this heinous crime will be punished with Remedial training immediately.

IN COMMON SENSE.

Get ahold of yourself, Shinigami! Or dare I even call you that, you bunch of bumbling fools!

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

* * *

**092 - Duck tape?**

LOL is that supposed to be some kind of tape made from ducks or something?

**{Abarai Renji}**

* * *

**093 - ?**

Why does the world of the living always come up with such useless stuff? Like, who needs it anyways? And to make them out of living ducks… How horrible.

**Chappy**

***AKA RUKIA***

* * *

**094 - ...**

Says the one who spent a million yen on TV commercial products this month alone.

**Kuchiki Byakuya**

* * *

**095 - Awww**

But Byakuya-chan is the one who was wearing the fluffy light pink bathrobe from CHICTV and the mismatching orange and blue socks from ANIME Central and IDOLTV. Awww, and let's not forget you wearing Rukia's favorite turtle slippers!

And, don't you mean DUCT tape? You seriously thought that there was tape made from ducks? What kind of sick people are you?

And Rukia, don't talk about being inhumane, you know what you did to that rabbit, and we all know what you did to Ichigo.

**The Observor.**

* * *

**096 - Daily Horoscope**

_Don't be tempted to isolate yourself from everyone else; working with others now can lead you in an unexpected direction. _This is today's horoscope. Well. I guess I'm going to go out on a limb today, then. I am officially coming out of isolation.

Unfortunately, there is no advice for you today, but I have one comment:

I AM NOT GAY! I DO NOT DO YAOI! I have NEVER sexually harassed Matsumoto Rangiku!

**Hi$agi $huuhei**

* * *

**097 - Dirt!**

An unknown source revealed to us that Kuchiki Byakuya wears his sister's clothing!

Also, it was confirmed that the only reason Soi Fon is going after Captain Zaraki is because she wants to get laid.

Also, Hisagi, you are SOOOO in denial! At least two out of those three statements are FALSE!

**~Matsumoto Rangiku ~CHU**

* * *

**098 - Criminals!**

Seireitei is filled with criminals! How dare you make such accusations! And for your information, Zaraki Kenpachi has been apprehended and all of his bananas cleaned up.

The Observor is officially a criminal now. Anyone who has seen this person(s) will bring him to the Omnitsukido at once.

And Matsumoto, that information has already been posted. Correct your idiocy please.

**Soi Fon, Omnitsukido**

* * *

**099 - Please**

Head Captain Yamamoto - PLEASE stop walking around in your Yoga pants! We REALLY didn't need to see that! And poor Shiro-chan almost started crying! I beg of you, Teacher! Spare our innocent eyes! I don't care how buff you are, old men in tights just doesn't work!

**Ukitake Jushiro**

* * *

**100 - HA**

100TH POST! EAT IT SUCKERS! ALL THE HATERZ CAN GO **** YOURSELF CUZ I AM THE ONE WHO GOT THE HUNDREDTH POST!

**Ichigo Kurosaki**

* * *

**Well, don't you just hate it when people do that? I mean, post for no reason other than to say they got XXX number of posts? Ichigo has turned into a n00b and I've turned into a hater... And The Observor is now a criminal, and Soi Fon is in love, and Chojiro is royally pissed off. And Yamamoto thinks he isn't scarring our eyes for life by wearing skin tight pants. I don't care how ripped he his, that's just disgusting.**

***Ahem* So, any suggestions? Need advice from Hisagi? Got some dirt for Ran? Review!**

**(By the way I'm doing my best to get people suggestions in but it's kinda hard to balance it all since I took a break D:)**


	11. Day 11: Notebooks

**Wow, I'm such an idiot. I had this written up last night and I forgot to post it. So here it is, the next day... Lol, anyways, hope you enjoy it! R&R! :D**

* * *

_Shinigami Message Board_

* * *

**101 - Attention All Shinigami**

It has been found that all of the captains and lieutenants have been making deals with The Observor, including Shigekuni Genryuusai Yamamoto. This will stop at once! Even the head captain has been sucked into your little games - Shame on You!

And I did not appreciate what that duct tape said on the side of my house. That is considered vandalism.

**-Chojiro Sasakibe**

* * *

**102 - OMG**

Dont touch d black notebooks! They bring death and will kill u! I swear, u dont want 2 kno wat they do! If u try 2 steal it again or come close 2 my notebooks I will kill u all!

**Kira (I AM JUSTICE)**

* * *

**103 - Lolz**

**Kira u r going insane. I should just kill u!**

Shirosaki

* * *

**104 - WTH**

Why are you here so randomly, Ichigo?

CHAPPY

*Aka Rukia*

* * *

**105 - ...**

I live in the Living World, idiot. And this isn't Kurosaki, its SHIROsaki. Ya, Im just that awesome. U r inferior 2 me. PWN

**Shirosaki**

* * *

**106 - Is...**

**Is this some kind of joke? The rules clearly state text speak isn't allowed, so I will rip down your eleven other messages that you guys wasted space with. You know, I have ripped down almost 300 messages now. This calls for punishm_,nv;;sjra;oy JMFAVSD**

**107 - Um**

I just saw Chojiro-san being abducted... Is everything okay? And why is Izuru making death threats to everyone? What has this board done to you guys?

Momo Hinamori

* * *

**108 - HA!**

You shouldn't be talking, Momo Hinamori, you were the one who posted in only your panties and bra! How dispicable! LOL

And Kira, thanks for the notebook, it really suits me.

**The Observor.**

* * *

**109 - YOU!**

What have you done to Hinamori! I'll kill you!

CAPTAIN Hitsugaya

* * *

**110 - Wanted**

Tall, thin, creature with spiky hair and heart earring. A shinigami known by the name of 'Ryuk'. Is believed to be connected to the mysterious black notebooks that have been popping up lately. If spotted please inform me immediately, as someone has stolent my -erm- him.

**Kira [I am Justice]**

* * *

**Well, here we go... I tried to use as many suggestions as possible, but its a little hard... So, anyways, credit (I think I'll be giving credit for both this chapter and the last chapter since I forgot to last time OTL)**

**Thanks to Its a Mystery for your Shinigami thingy (Post 110), and also for the duct tape thingy (Post 91)**

**Master Of Anime224 thanks for your suggestions (Posts 104 & 105)**

**Review? :D**


	12. Day 12: The Condom Catastrophe

_Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, nothing here is the property of QBleach... Aside from The Observor. Who is watching you. _

* * *

_Shinigami Message Board_

* * *

**111 - Attention All Shinigami**

I have had enough of your audacity! Stop abusing the board!

Also, a few side notes:

Please stop shooting condoms at each other. It is not funny.

Chojiro Sasakibe.

* * *

**112 - EEP**

Byakuya you are sosososososososososo cute! I could just watch naked gay p*rn of you allll day! Awerihg[naoiwerka;sdkfjaewoif *CENSORED*

$uper Anonymou$ Fangirl

* * *

**113 - I order you to cease and desist**

Please stop putting me in awkward situations with Zaraki Kenpachi. I would prefer not to be alone... in a room... with him... both of us naked... Not again. I'm not even going to mention the time with the cat. Who came up with the idea that I had a cat fetish?

I will personally see that the person who is responsible for this suffers a long and painful torture before their tragically horrific and mysterious death.

Soi Fon

* * *

**114 - ~Foxy Futures~**

I see an unbeatable Butterflaizen in yur future Kurosaki

Gin-chan

* * *

**115 - GIN!**

For one thing, STFU the Houkyouku's will is its own, and two, get your traitor ass back to Las Noches now or I see a VERY disturbing charlotte cuulhorne in your future

**God (Aizen)**

* * *

**116 - ~Foxy Futures~**

I also see a former 3rd captain in a certain 10th Lieutenants pants in my own future =]

Gin-chan

* * *

**117 - AH**

Its the Silver-eyed monster! And can someone please explain to me why he kept throwing bananas covered in condoms at me? And does anyone else think that Chojiro-san's signature looks a little suspicious today?

**Chappy**

*AKA Rukia*

* * *

**118 - FLAME [MUAHAHAHAHA!]**

OMAEDA! You are fat and ugly! You can't even get someone as easy as Rukia! You smell like rotting cheese and bad alcohol! Your sister is as ugly as you are! Your $$ is so big that when you sit down in a chair it hangs over the sides! No one likes you!

Also, Your Mom.

Lol.

{Anonymous}

* * *

**119 - Really?**

AGAIN, Renji, just because you sign as Anonymous doesn't mean we don't know who you are. Take me, for example. You have to look totally incognito and unassuming so no one suspects you, and then you whip out the notebook and BAM! Dead, BAM! Dead again! =D

BAM! Dead!

Kira [I am Justice]

* * *

**120 - Foiled Again!**

See, you thought the Observer was forgotten, didn't you?

Well, this'll teach you! Also, Chojiro, you can thank me for the condoms. Now your mom won't get pregnant when she ****Censored****

Also, the accidental birth ratings in the Seireitei will drop, so you can thank me.

OH, and watching you get shot in the face was very satisfying. That'll teach YOU to yell at me ;)

**The Observer.**

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**EEEEP, guys, I'm soooo sorry I ditched this again! D: As you can see, I disappeared and then suddenly came back yesterday with a bunch of my Byakuya Fluff thingies, and now I have this one for today... I'm thinking that now that I'm on anti-depressants, I'll be able to keep a good mood when writing now :D **

**Anyways, thanks to **_**the**__**spanish inquizition**_** for suggesting that nice exchange between Aizen and Gin! It was very funny and I hope you guys all enjoyed it! For other suggestions that haven't been used yet – please be patient, I will use them in time! I promise ;)**

**So, any suggestions? Need advice from Hisagi? Got some dirt for Ran? Review!**


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